sooo

i should be working, expecially because i'm working basically just for the career fair and in the next days is going to be crazy

buuuut

i just can't help to write what i have on my mind.
Last year everything was so different..
if i think at how i was always "f@@@@ed up" just 12 months ago..
sooo many things happened, that i lost the track of it, and it is ok.

sooo many people went in and out of my life, so many people i got to know, and they became friend also. and now they are gone.
but still there in the back of my thoughts, and i actually know that i'm in theirs.

I wrote already few times about this microcosmos that is cambridge, MIT, or perhaps.. why not.. is just life in our moder world.
where you move around the world, or perhaps not even out of your neighborhood, and things start and keep changing.

another friend is leaving, in few days. and perhaps an even more important one, will soon leave.

I'm not sure yet where my future will bring me, and how i'll adapt to it.
I'm not afraid of changes anymore, I went tru so many of those in the last months, that now i know how to face them, how to cope with what they leave behind, and inside of you. I know that you feel sad, and then alone again, or just spaced out. And then you say to yourself, put yourself together and go on.
And it is kind of cool if you think about it, you feel almost like a mature person :) "wow i can deal with MY life"

of course you think you can until the next moment in which you'll feel lost and clueless.. :)

I was talking tonite with a friend of mine that broke up few months ago with his girlfriend, and he was telling me how he feels alone
And i was thinking at when i used to feel in the same way.
Looking for someone, not specifically a significant other but a friend, a group of people, to hang out with and take from them the feeling of being ok and in company.

After this year and all things went by, instead, i really, and now i can say it for real, with a perspective totally different from the last time i thought about it, like i were outside of me and looking at me from there..
well now i feel ok with myself, I'm spending lots of time in the office, pretending to work... and then home, and then writing emails with my invisible friends :) trying to talk with my parents :) and then just me. and then when i go out is for my own good sake, and forget about the others.

Sometime we spend so much effort in searching for someone or something that will fill us up, and then we have so much in us that we tend to forget.

now i definitely need to do something.. perhaps sleep.. :)
huge hug everybody.
lapiccolaflocresce..